Reflections
by notasci
Summary: An interior monologue/character study of Lapis Lazuli during her time imprisoned in the mirror.


There was a time that chains of glass didn't hold me. When I was more than just a shallow reflection of myself, able to feel the sea spray against my face and the wind blow through my hair. When I was Lapis Lazuli.

Now I only feel glass shackles digging into my wrists and cutting off my circulation. I strain against the bonds, desperate for release, though I know that it's a futile effort. It wouldn't matter even if I weren't chained to the silvered backing. the glass that separates me from the rest of the world is unbreakable. I try to scream out for help but to no avail. My voice cannot travel through this prison's walls.

I am bound to this mirror for the crime of being damaged. A cracked gem is a ticking time bomb. I have seen other Gems turn into horrific beasts from cracks, and I do not wish to share their fate. But I have also seen gems be repaired by the leader of the rebellion against Homeworld. The one whose followers I am now in the possession of?

So why does she not heal me?

I may have not sided with Earth, I may not believe in her cause, but why does she refrain from restoring me? The so-called Crystal Gems that survived the rebellion must know that I am not just a mirror. I only want to return home. Is that so wrong?

I cry out in my prison and my voice reverberates like ripples in a pond. I strain against my bonds but they don't give. The shackles dig into my wrists, and my fingers go numb as I cry out for help. Through the eight-pointed star of the mirror I can see the world move on without me. Ignored and isolated, only reflecting whatever falls into my gaze.

Over countless centuries I lose myself in memories.

* * *

Water laps against my feet. I walk through the memories of ages long gone. I shiver as something cold digs into my wrists, though I see nothing around them. I continue along the shoreline, letting the salty waves break around my ankles. Countless infinities of stars shine down onto me, reflecting off the sea. I gaze out, unable to truly affect anything.

The beach shifts and turns as my mind races, leaving the coastlines of the planet Earth and returning to Homeworld. The red and blue sand crunches beneath my face as the liquid gemstone oceans lap against the shore. The suns smile down at me, their reflections creating a dazzling spectrum of light. Colors blend and fuse. The cold digs into my wrists again but there is nothing there, so I continue along the ever changing shore. I don't know how long I walk along countless shorelines, relishing the beauty I will never see again with my own eyes.

The sand turns black and the ocean green as I continue. And again it changes, going from black to blue to brown to white, the oceans and skies merging and crashing together. Waves break against invisible rocks that become piers and piers that become gemstones erupting out from unknowable depths. All shorelines from hundreds of worlds across the cosmos, coming together for me.

Above me a crack runs through the blue sky, reminding me of my own defect. The seas clash and crash into each other, waves of Homeworld's liquid gemstones cascading from impossible heights into the seas of worlds whose names I have long forgotten. The sands wash away beneath my feet.

I watch as the waves crash and shatter. And in the sky I see the stars blinking out as the crack spreads across the world. Gone are the suns and moons but yet it is not dark.  
I hear behind me the ringing of Gem weapons clashing, and turn to look at the battlefield. The smell of salt fills my nostrils as the air grows hot and sticky. I feel a burning in my back as I step away from the battle, my hands going to the gem on my back. I can't let anyone do more damage, I can't let them see that my gem is cracked. What if they imprison me again?

I remember this battle now. Fields that stretch out into the horizon, filled with vines. I raise my arms as I close my eyes tight, unwilling to let things end the way they did last time. The sea roars behind me. I can feel the might of the oceans pounding through my body. Currents flow through me as I direct the sea through the battle, and I become myself for only a little while.

I wash it all away.

I stand victorious, alone atop the flooded battlefield. But it is a hollow victory. I walk along the floodplains and look at the fallen. I forget my gem's damage, and for a while I can believe that this is how things went. But there is that nagging in my mind that tells me this is not true. It reminds me that this is only a world where my memories are free to play with. Is that why it feels empty, why I don't see a point?

I only want to return home. If I cannot do that, what is the point of victory? For all my desire to return to Homeworld I am imprisoned by those who rebelled against it, who don't even have a mind to treat me like a fellow Gem. Why do they only care for this planet and its primitive lifeforms? I don't understand what they can see in the primitives here. It is, as far as I am concerned, a pointless struggle.

The sea crumbles away, the vines disintegrate. Cold bites into me and I shiver. Something digs into my wrists and close my eyes. I grit my teeth. The ground collapses beneath me and I'm falling into oblivion. Water rushes up through my feet, coursing through my body as I fall into it. It surrounds me and fills every essence of my being. I don't dare open my eyes, afraid of what I'll see around me if I do.

And then I stop falling.

* * *

When I open my eyes I am alone. The cold silver-backing of the mirror presses into my shattered gem and my lower back. I push against it and the glass chains ring out as shackles dig into my wrists. I scream out to the world. From time to time I see the a tall, slender Gem passing by. But she pays me no mind.

What did I do to deserve this fate?

I do not remember. I only know that my gem is cracked, but who put me in the mirror, or even why I am in it, I have no recollection of. I was Lapis Lazuli. Now I am but a cracked reflection of her.


End file.
